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Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Legal Beagles

First, let's kill all the lawyers.
Willam Shakspere, Richard III

Porcupine wishes to take a moment to publicly declare that he will not be suing anybody over the death of his dog, Marvin, seen above in happier times impeding the construction of Porcupine's vacation shanty.

Porcupine wrote about Marvin's passing (HERE) and it has become evident that between the timing, the dog food he was fed, and the nature of his death from sudden and acute renal failure, it is entirely possible that Marvin died from the Menu Foods produced dog food. However, Porcupine will join no class action suit, will not participate in angry forums or demand that reparations be made.
As it happens, Porcupine was home sick yesterday, and saw daytime television commercials which he rarely sees. Did you have a heart attack? Lose your hair? Slip and fall? Have a doctor not reach a diagnosis with the same speed as House? Call Sokolov-Wynn-Dewey-Cheatum-Howe and get your fair share! Operators are standing by! We may not be licenensed in your state, but we can find somebody who is! Why, the Man from U.N.C.L.E. himself says it's a good deal! And we ALL work on contingency, so no money down! No, we'll just file suit and get the insurance company to pony up on a nuisance basis rather than go to court. Later, you can SELL your structured settlement to J.G. Wentworth, and squander the money as you see fit!
When people suffer a minor inconvenience, or a minor tragedy, they are being conditioned to think in terms of cash recompense. Free Money is the siren song, but in reality, we all pay. Increased insurance costs, increase health care costs, loss of doctors in difficult specialties - all of these have become endemic in society, because the legal system has become the first rather than the last resort. A while ago, Porcupine write about the contrast and priorities expressed between an orphan drug for Ewing's Sarcoma and a judgment of many millions for a single widow over a heart medication (HERE) . Although the post is almost two years old, it is equally true today.
So, please, consider your response. Think about what this pet food scandal may mean about the safety of food distribution for humans, and call for beter regualtion and enforcement. Express concern over the vagaries involved in the increasing internationalization of our food supply, and the loss of support of our own American agricultural industry. But please - do not join any class action lawsuit over the death of a pet, however beloved. Put that grief and anger towrds a solution, not a tawdry cash bonus to fatten the coffers of legal jakcals and vultures.
Do it for Marvin.

3 Comments:

Blogger Ogre said...

Go ahead and sue Bush too, because I'm sure this is his fault as well.

3:43 PM  
Blogger marybeth said...

The law considers pets to be a possession (worth what you paid for it) and gives no added value for emotional attachment. The only ones likely to get rich over these class action suits will be the lawyers.

2:53 AM  
Blogger Pr0ducer said...

They bury lawyers 20 feet under ground when they die. Deep down they are better people.

10:29 AM  

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